A Guide for future daddies
by Intoxic
Summary: Tony Stark's guide for future daddies: What to expect when you're expecting? An addition to 'Pregnant'


A/N: It's an addition to a 'Pregnant?' one shot. There will be one more, how the labor went.

But now, read how Tony gives a guide for other men that soon will be daddies.

Enjoy reading.

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**A guide for future daddies**

Hello, dear men on Earth or any other men from Nine Realms. If you read this so I guess the congratulations are in order! **You're gonna be a daddy!**

So, I'm Tony Stark. Some of you may know me as the Iron Man, some of you may know me as the billionaire, genius, philanthropist and playboy. To some of you from _The Space_ a.k.a. other Eight Realms I'm probably a puny Midgardian.

But besides that, recently I'm also a father. (_my princess has barely two months_)

So here I am to share my experience with you guys. So you would know:

_**What to expect when you're expecting?**_

_But let's start from the beginning. _

**1\. The joyful news!**

It may be a bit of shock for you, if you haven't planned it before, when your beloved announce you that you're gonna be a daddy in a few months. But nevertheless it's a really joyful news. Once the first shock will lower, and you'll recover from your passing out _(as if you did it)_, you'll find the news truly amazing. _It will make you happy, especially if it's your first born. _

**2\. Telling to the family and friends!**

And that's a quite thing to do, especially if you were for your whole life: _"I won't ever have children. It's not for me"_. Yeah, if you are like I used to, prepare yourself for your friends laughing at you. Your CEO screaming at you. And the brother of your beloved want to kill you for bedding his sibling. Believe me, it's a scary thing, especially _if the said brother bears a hammer that can kill you in an eye blinking_. _So yep, prepare yourself for soon-to-be-wedded if you're not married already. _As well as be ready for scary-ass talks with your future in-law, especially if they are Gods, who rule the Nine Realms. _(Uhu, I got to the 'Royal Family')_

**3\. It's not only woman's (male Jotun-demi god) thing. **

Yep, you read good. Just because it's your lady _(Jotun –demi god)_ is the one who bears your offspring, that doesn't mean it's only her _(his) _thing. If you think so, you are wrong my friend. It's your matter as well. You put your (_dick)_ little interest inside her (him) now deal with the consequences.

The most important thing to her (_him)_ is to know that you are by her _(his)_ side, that you won't abandon her _(him)_ because of the unplanned baby. **So don't do it, because if so, you'll be the worst dick ever!**_Plus, if you do it, you should expect a revenge from the family of the lady (man)._

_Now, let's move to the things that you should expect, and so, what you should do in particular situations. _

**4\. Odd cravings**

Exactly, pregnant people have some weird cravings, mostly at the unholy night hour. So yeah, prepare yourself for waking up in the middle of the night with a demand of food. From spicy hot wings, through pickles, sweets, wipe cream, chips, fruits, and other stuff that put together makes people sick. But for your beloved it may be the most delicious thing in the world. You, my friend, may feel your latest food in your throat looking at your beloved eating this _delicious_ _stuff._

The cravings will probably make you pissed off, that's pretty normal thing. I mean, no one likes to be woken up in the middle of the night, or before a sunrise, to go for some food.

And god damn you, if you say something like _'Honey I'm tired, wait till the morning'_. Next second you may receive a punch (_if you're lucky enough it won't be in your jewels)_, you may be yelled at with _'It's your fault that I'm in this state you imbecile!'_ or you may be simply thrown out of your own bedroom for a night or two.

So better, learn as fast as you can how to get up in the middle of the night. And where are the nearest grocery shops or gas stations with snacks to buy, in your neighborhood.

**5\. I'm fat!**

Oh dear friends, this will be something that you'll be hearing often as soon as your beloved starts to show.

**Do not, under any circumstances, say that she (he) is fat!**

Believe me, the world doesn't know worse weapon than a hurt and offended pregnant woman _(man)._

If you say something stupid like that, you may as well move in to the living room, or workshop or office. As well, you can become really friendly with your hand, since you won't be able to touch your beloved for a long time for saying it.

Your beloved cries, because someone (_by that I mean your stupid friend –_ **Fuck you Clint!**) said that she _(he_) is fat. – The best thing you can do is, take your beloved in your arms, and reassure that she _(he)_ is not fat but she's _(he's)_ pregnant. And you may add: Honey, now there's more of you to love by me. (_if you're lucky this may give you a hot night with your lady (man) )_

**6\. Unpredictable tantrums. **

Women _(male Jotuns)_ are very sensitive and emotional during pregnancy. They are very hormonal. They're going through something that's called a _'Hormonal storm'_. They're having worse and better days. And believe me, the best you can do is to comfort your beloved. If she _(he)_ cries, you hold her _(him)_ in your arms. If she's whinny and wants to do something, it'll be wise if you'll drop what you do at the moment to go with her _(him)_ and make her _(him)_ happy. Sometimes, if she's _(he's)_ on the worst day, she _(he)_ will throw things on you, yell and blame you for everything, even for the screams of your neighbors or friends, hell even for something that you don't even know about.

Yep, prepare for it. And don't argue with your beloved too much. Try better talking calmly.

**7\. Massages. **

Swollen ankles? Yes, that is something that your beloved will have at some point. It's not easy to carry a baby in your belly. And here comes you my dear friend, to aid your beloved in her hard job. Believe me your lady _(man)_ will appreciate your gesture if you'll rub her _(his)_ feet, or gently rub her _(his)_ shoulders to make her _(him)_ relax.

**8\. I'm not ready for it. I'm going to be a bad mom**

Sometimes you may witness words like that. Then you **MUST** tell your other half that she's _(he's)_ **wrong**. That she _(he)_ will be **the best** mom in the Nine Realms. That she _(he)_ is doing really great. That you're with her _(him)_ in this. And that you both are ready.

**9\. The last month.**

**a) False alarm!**

Guys, _'False alarm'_ will become your the most hated two words. Mhm, the cramps will get more frequently and if your lady (man) or you are from those panic ones, you'll find yourself in many _'false alarm'_ situations. It's better if you'll have prepared a bag on the sight, so you could be ready at every time.

My advice: Be in a contact with a doctor or someone who knows more about pregnancy than you, to know when the cramps are only a 'False alarm' and when they are something more, a.k.a. cramps that alerts that the baby wants to come to the world.

**b) Nerves:**

You're gonna have frayed nerves during the last month, because you can't expect that the baby will come in a due. It may be earlier or a bit later. So, brace yourself and wait, as patiently as you can**. **_(even if it's a hell hard job to do) _

**c) My waters broke!**

When you hear it: **DO NOT PANIC!** I know your mind will start to freak out. You probably will run as a chicken without head, but try to get a grip on yourself! Take your beloved to the hospital. _(If you're not home, then do your best to get to the hospital a.s.a.p.) _ Keep everything in your head that you heard from the doctor, about breathing and all. (_your mind probably will have difficulties with remembering it at that moment)_. Hold your beloved by her _(his)_ hand, and reassure her _(him) _

'_You're doing so great babe'_

'_I'm so proud of you'_

'_It's gonna be over soon'_

'_I love you'_ – this is one of the most important things that you're beloved wants to hear during the labor.

Well, from her _(his)_ side you may hear offending words, or something like: _'You won't touch me ever again, you dick! It's all your fault! I hate you!'_ – She _(he)_ doesn't really mean it. She _(he)_ is just in a hell of a pain.

The labor may take a few hours or less, you never know. So be strong and patient.

Some of men happens to faint during it, just after they've seen the baby's head covered in blood, or after they've seen the just born baby, still in blood and connected with mom through the cord. _(yep, Mr. Stark, that happened to you. But hey, no judging. It was the scariest and the most beautiful thing to see. No judging!) _

**If you survived through all of this, then man, congratulations. You're a proud father of the little one! Now the only thing you can do is to raise the baby and enjoy being a father. Probably at the beginning you won't be the favorite person of the baby. Yep, this spot belongs to Mama. But the baby will give back the love that you have for it. **

**So be happy with your beloved and your little bundle of joy…**

"Stark! The baby is crying!"

"I'm going babe!" Snøfnugg was crying really loud in her nursery "Don't cry Snowflake, daddy's here".

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A/N: Did you like it?

Review if you feel like to

Intoxic


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